Shameless Promoter Promotes Shamelessly
THE INTERNET – An area man has decided to write parody articles in the desperate hope that he will be recognized and hired by The Onion.
Famed publication The Onion, America’s last bastion of journalistic integrity and home to the Web’s best parody of the newspaper form, does not accept article submissions or bribes, apparently. So, in a vain and shameless attempt to obtain a job at the humor website, the area man began his own page.
“I was bored at work one day and thought, ‘What the heck, I like writing these things, might as well give it a shot,’” the area man said. He said he had no expectations, and hoped at the very least some people would get a chuckle out of it. Though he did express some hopes. “I mean, it would be great if the people at The Onion saw this and were like, ‘Hey, he’s not half-bad. Let’s bring him on the team,’” he said. “That would be great. Because they’re great. Really great, you know? They’re the best.”
“Please don’t sue me,” he added, whimpering.
To contact Dear The Onion please email email@example.com.