Police, Drunks: Harmonica-Breathalyzer Makes DUIs More Fun

"If you try 'Camptown Races' I will lock you up and throw away the key."

A new Breathalyzer is making DUI stops a light-hearted and carefree experience, much to the delight of police officers and drunk drivers. The Harmonizer, a harmonica paired with a Breathalyzer, lets the law enforcers and motor menaces laugh and enjoy the moment.

“This is a great invention,” Police Chief Michael DeNozo said. “It’s practical and charming. It really loosens up the lushes we pull over, too.”

The Harmonizer works on the same principles as a harmonica, with air rushing through different passages and emitting a particular tune. However, the Harmonizer also has a Breathalyzer attached to it, letting police officers see the blood alcohol content, or BAC, of the user.

“Yessir, just last weekend I had a fella who nearly died laughing when he realized he was playing the ol’ French Harp,” Officer Tony Gibson said. “He had quite a go, too. His BAC was off the charts, so when we carted him away I let the poor guy practice in the patrol car.”

“I get pulled over most weekends,” Curly Johnson, the town drunk, said. “Before it used to be a real nuisance. But now with the Harmonizer I don’t mind as much. It’s just more fun now. ‘Course, I still can’t say my ABC’s backwards like they want, but I can just about play the ABC song on the Harmonizer.”

While the device is bringing smiles to the alcoholic drivers, there have been some drawbacks. The number of drivers under the influence or while intoxicated has gone up, and some believe the Harmonizer is to blame.

“I’m not gonna lie,” Curly said. “Before I would take back roads or just creep along when I was good and sloshed. Now I zip through main street hoping to get another chance at that mouth organ. I suspect others do the same.”

Still, the Harmonizer has brought much needed joy to a town plagued by hit-and-runs, crashed cars, and countless alcohol-related deaths.

“One time there was a hobo fresh off the rails staggering through the main square,” Officer Gibson said. “I gave him the Harmonizer and he played the most enchanting tune. It was the song of the hobos, he said, but it sounded like angels singing. I let the guy go. I just had to. I hope he’ll come back soon, so I can listen one more time.”

“He’s probably dead, though. His BAC was off the charts,” Officer Gibson added.

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One response to “Police, Drunks: Harmonica-Breathalyzer Makes DUIs More Fun

  1. If you plan on having a great night, visit http://www.lackawannacheckpoints.com and make sure you don’t get a DUI.

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