Monthly Archives: May 2011

Police, Drunks: Harmonica-Breathalyzer Makes DUIs More Fun

"If you try 'Camptown Races' I will lock you up and throw away the key."

A new Breathalyzer is making DUI stops a light-hearted and carefree experience, much to the delight of police officers and drunk drivers. The Harmonizer, a harmonica paired with a Breathalyzer, lets the law enforcers and motor menaces laugh and enjoy the moment. Continue reading


Writer Looks To Explore Triality Of Man

"I got the idea when watching a rerun of 'Three's Company'"

IOWA CITY, IA – Aspiring writer Anton Merkower believes he will write the great American novel by exploring an aspect of society seldom broached. Anton will look at the triality of man, instead of the standard duality of man found in much of literature. Continue reading

Companies Running Out of Names for New Smartphones

"Astro," "Bonzai," and "Gladiator" were considered for this phone

LIBERTYVILLE, IL – Phone company executives around the world acknowledged they are quickly running out of names for their smartphones. Motorola chief technology officer Tony Ja said that the industry is reaching “Peak Name,” when all of the cool and plausible phone names will already have been used. Continue reading

FBI Agent Concerned with Surge in Searches for Osama Bin Laden

"Wait, you mean he's dead? We got him? Oh, thanks for telling me, guys! I'm going on vacation."

QUANTICO, VA – FBI Special Agent Normand Hubert expressed alarm when he realized that Internet searches for Osama bin Laden more than quadrupled earlier today. Continue reading

U.S. Suddenly Remembers Bin Laden, Feeling Good

"It feels so good to hate this guy again!"

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Late last night President Barack Obama announced that Osama bin Laden, the leader of al Qaeda and most wanted terrorist in the world, was killed by U.S. military commandos in a daring raid. The news shocked and delighted many, causing Americans to cheer after spending a few seconds remembering who exactly bin Laden was. Continue reading