Starbucks Introduces New Kids Menu

"Hold on, I'll do my ABCs in a minute. I can't even get to D without my morning fix."

SEATTLE, WA – Starbucks introduced a new Kids’ Menu today, hoping children will enjoy the new lineup of kid-friendly, caffeine-heavy drinks.

“We are pleased to make coffee and tea available to all ages,” Starbucks VP of Communication Brian DeLancey said. “Why should adults get to enjoy all the fun? Now kids, toddlers—even infants—can share in the great, smooth taste and flavorful aroma that is Starbucks coffee.”

The Kids’ Menu has most of the same items as the regular menu, but coffees are served lukewarm instead of scalding hot. Starbucks also introduced a new kid-friendly size, the “Piccolo”. The new kids’ cups are decorated with more friendly and cartoon-like mermaids instead of the standard green mermaid that currently adorns Starbucks’ cups.

Kids can also participate in a rewards program. Some of the rewards include getting a free drink after five purchases, a plush Starbucks mermaid with the purchase of a travel mug, and free Starbucks-themed coloring book if a child signs up for the Starbucks e-newsletter. The coloring book is one-hundred pages, as Starbucks executives thought the children’s little, caffeine-addled hands would need lots of pages to fill.

To go along with their new kid-friendly image, Starbucks created a new character to attract children to their brand. Captain Starbuck, a friendly, chai-sipping pirate, is the coffee chain’s mascot who will appear in ads and commercials. Captain Starbuck will encourage kids to become “Starbuckaroos” and drink as much coffee and tea as they can.

In the upcoming months Starbucks hopes to introduce food and drink pairings to get even more children into stores. The meals, which may include a donut and a small latté, are said to be called Happé Meals.


2 responses to “Starbucks Introduces New Kids Menu

  1. Hi! I’m working on an article right now about kids and coffee. Can you tell me where you got the quote by DeLancey? I also can’t find anything about the kids menu serving coffee lukewarm?

    Would LOVE to read the sources. It scares me that this is becoming so widespread.

    Thanks for your help!!

    • I have to admit I made up the whole thing. I write satirical articles that try and poke fun at different aspects of our lives. Sometimes I use real names and events, but in this case I made up most everything. Thankfully, there isn’t a new Starbucks kids menu, although I believe they do offer drink options for kids, but just non-caffeinated drinks. But you never know when that might change. Thanks for checking out the site!

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