NEW YORK, NY – Spy satellites made a shocking discovery yesterday when an Evil United Nations was discovered below the East River in New York City, just feet away from the real UN.
“We noticed a strange object in the East River while doing a routine inspection of the area,” National Security Agency spokesperson Mike Hillman said. “We saw what looked like a very tiny aircraft carrier or airstrip. But upon closer inspection this object was clearly underwater, and we realized it was the top of a building.”
The building was revealed to be the Evil UN, the counterpart to the multinational organization that promotes peace and nation-building throughout the world. The real UN headquarters is located at Forty-Second Street and First Avenue in Manhattan. The Evil UN is a stone’s throw away from the building.
A closer look at the Evil UN
“This is certainly troubling information,” Wang Min, the Chinese ambassador to the UN, said. “This rogue agency must be stopped. Who knows what evil lurks beneath the East River. Besides the mutant fish and dead mobsters, of course.”
United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon addressed the Security Council late yesterday and broke the news. He told the delegates that he will issue a strongly worded letter to the mystery UN and ask them to alert the world of their intentions.
As of now no one knows how such a structure could be built without anyone noticing. The only conclusion made by the real UN is that whoever is behind the project must be very powerful and a force to be reckoned with.
Early this morning a submersible bubbled to the surface above the Evil UN and an eye-patched man emerged. The man, who called himself Baron von Treiben, or “The Baron”, addressed a crowd and declared himself ruler of an evil underwater empire.
“Citizens, tremble before me and my awesome power!” The Baron said. “I, along with the most evil and diabolical men and women across the globe, have joined together to form a United Nations of sorts. We have come to steal your pennies and make your children sick!”
The Evil UN, The Baron went on to explain, has created an Evil UNICEF to enslave all children and an Evil UNESCO to make sure the world’s most evil places are kept intact and preserved for future evildoers.
The first act of the Evil UN will be to claim the territory of U Thant Island, the tiny piece of land in the East River. However, the Evil UN will hold many referendums before taking any real action.