WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to some political watchdogs and alert members of the press, Representative Bill Flores (R-Texas) slipped in some of his novel-in-progress while reading a bill in the House of Representatives.
Flores was reading the bill, House Resolution 1409.21, or the Wildlife Preservation and Census Act, when he started reciting from a book he is writing. From what those in the chamber gathered, the congressman from Texas is working on a particularly steamy romance set on the high seas.
“Funds for the relocation of the Alaskan timberwolf will be appropriated from the closing of the yellow-tipped raptor-watching stations. Such funds shall be administered by an oversight committee set up by Lord Admiral Woolsey. The Admiral was in hot pursuit of the dreaded pirate Red Beard, the most notorious villain this side of Grenada,” Flores read. According to a C-SPAN transcript, Flores continued with his excerpt. “Lady Woolsey, the Admiral’s daughter, objected to her father’s business. Secretly, she longed for the pirate’s embrace, wishing to kiss his gold-toothed mouth and feel his fiery beard caress her cheeks.”
Other members of congress were going about their business, doing the crossword, or sleeping, and no one seemed to notice Flores’s literary ambitions. Only after Flores finished reading the bill did some astute members of the press, a group of boy scouts, and numerous conspiracy theorists realize what had transpired.
The bill passed unanimously. It is unknown if the president will sign the bill or if he will offer some revisions, such as ensuring spotted owls are covered under the Act or toning down the lengthy love scene in the Marauder’s Cave.