ST. CLOUD, MN – Derek Lundgarden kindly asked the media yesterday if they would please stop making books, magazines, movies, music, art, theater, video games, and other forms of entertainment so he could catch up.
“Every day companies produce thousands and thousands of hours worth of content,” Derek said. “I just can’t keep up. My Netflix queue is huge, I’ve got like fifty books I’ve been meaning to read. Plus there’s the news. I have no idea what’s happening in Japan or Libya because I’ve been reading past issues of the New Yorker.”
“For the love of God, just take a break,” he added.
Derek admitted he just got around to listening to Raising Sand, the collaboration between Alison Krauss and Robert Plant and winner of the Best Album Grammy from 2008. He says he has yet to hear any Kanye West albums and he fears he may never experience Kings of Leon or Lady Gaga.
“That’s just music,” Derek said. “The last Best Picture movie I saw was The Departed. And that’s just new movies. I’m still working through the French New Wave films of the 60’s. I hear the 80s had some great hits, but who knows if I’ll ever get to them.”
“And don’t get me started on books. I’ve never read Paradise Lost. I certainly don’t need any more James Patterson thrillers clogging up the pipeline. Give it a rest, people!” Derek lamented.
Later, Derek discovered YouTube and died from shock.