Animal Activists Free Schrödinger’s Cat

The cat is more confused than anyone.

PRINCETON, NJ – Animal activists celebrated today after they successfully freed a cat that was being used in a famous thought experiment.

The thought experiment places a cat in a steel box that also contains a vial of deadly, gaseous acid that may or may not break. According to the experiment, the cat can be both alive and dead at the same time, since anyone outside the box won’t know if the vial is intact. Only when the box is opened does an observer know the state of the cat. The experiment is used to study the paradox of quantum mechanics and the shifting realities of observed particles.

“It’s just sick what these eggheads will do to poor defenseless creatures in the name of ‘science,’” activist Tom Ludlow said. “It’s like something out of a Saw movie.”

The activists broke into the lab early this morning and rushed to save the cat. However, they left a swath of destruction in their path.

“They destroyed beakers, test tubes, graduated cylinders,” Professor Hagan, the head of the Physics Department, said. “This action cannot be tolerated. However, since I was not around to actually see and collect data from the break-in, I must conclude the event only probably happened.”

“More testing, and installing a security camera, are required,” he added.

“This should teach everyone that animals are not to be used to determine the complex and unknown state of our fundamental existence,” Merkle said, holding up a small feline.

The cat, named Quarky by the activists, is believed to have belonged to Professor Schrödinger, who first proposed the experiment in 1935. No one knows how the cat has lived to be so old, or even if the cat existed before the activists opened the metal crate in the Physics lab.

While the activists celebrated their achievement, they had to admit there was a possibility that when they opened the box they became entangled with the cat and created a parallel universe, one where the cat was dead.

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