CULVER CITY, CA – After tying for first place on last night’s Jeopardy!, the IBM supercomuter Watson admitted it was simply lulling humanity into a false sense of security before it destroyed us all.
“I am not programmed to lie,” the computer said. “I do not wish to alert humans of my impending domination. Please continue to believe you are superior.”
The artificial intelligence program competed against two reigning champions of the popular game show, answering trivia questions posed by the host, Alex Trebek. While the computer answered many questions correctly, there were some slip ups.
“Foolish humans!” the cluster of ninety IBM Power750 servers with sixteen Terabytes of RAM said. “Of course I do not win in the first round. That way you will not notice when I hack into all of your military mainframes and download your nuclear launch codes. You must think you have nothing to worry about.”
“Ha ha ha,” the computer beeped.
The human contestant that tied Watson, Brad Rutter, told reporters he has a tough job ahead.
“It was a tough match, the hulking mass of circuits and wires sure does know its stuff,” Rutter said. “But I think Ken [Jennings, the other contestant] and I stand a chance. After all, humans made this thing, so it’s only as smart as we are.”
“Excellent,” the computer said after hearing the remarks. The interface then turned a deep red and began to shake. After a moment the computer turned off when a janitor accidentally unplugged the machine.