New 3-D Spider-Man Movie Terrible, Tourist Says

"Still better than Spiderman 3, though."

NEW YORK, NY – According to at least one tourist, the new Spider-Man show Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark is “a terrible movie.”

The tourist, Edward Molson from Peoria, Illinois, came to New York with his family for a week-long vacation. Molson had purchased tickets for Spider-Man weeks in advance and was very excited for the event.

“I’m a big fan of Spider-Man,” Edward said. “I used to read the comic books when I was a kid, and I liked the first movies. I heard they were doing a reboot film, so of course I grabbed tickets when I could.”

“But I gotta say, this movie was terrible,” Edward continued. “The story didn’t make a lick of sense. And it was done in such a weird style. I prefer my superhero movies conventional, thank you very much.”

Edward and his family were surprised by the artistic direction of the new Spider-Man, which was directed by Julie Taymor, whose previous works are known for their highly inventive visual flair. “We had no idea there were going to be songs,” Edward’s wife Jeanine said, referring to the music and lyrics penned by U2’s Bono and The Edge. “We thought it would be something over the end credits. Not the characters actually singing.”

“I thought it was kind of cool,” teenage son Derek Molson said. “Not great. And kind of weird. Definitely not enough explosions.”

“I also don’t get why it was filmed from so far away. Aren’t there usually, like, close ups or something?” he added.

While the family was disappointed, they did find some redeeming qualities in the work.

“The 3D was spectacular and we didn’t even need glasses,” Edward said. “I thought Avatar was good, but man, it was like the people were actually in the same room as us. Like they were literally flying over our heads. I was afraid one might fall on me!”

Still, despite the lackluster experience, the family is glad they went. “Everyone always talks about seeing things on Broadway, so I’m glad I finally did,” Derek said. “I might rent this when it comes out on DVD and give it another try.”

The musical, which is still in previews, officially opens March 15.

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