TULSA, OK – Supervisor Fred Jeffries was somehow magically granted complete infallibility this week when he was promoted to the position of Regional Manager. “It’s great,” Jeffries said, “I can literally do no wrong.”
“I didn’t know I had this gift at first,” Jeffries said, “but slowly I started to realize that no matter what I did, it was always someone else’s fault.”
Jeffries was promoted last week due to his ability to always say “Yes” and his insistence that things be done his way. As an Assistant Manager, Jeffries had to work as part of a team and was able to make mistakes. But now, with his newfound power, mistakes are a thing of the past.
“Just today I did this PowerPoint presentation with a graph Fred specifically asked me to include,” Ben Arnold, an Assistant Analyst and one of Fred’s underlings, said. “Right in the middle of my presentation Fred told me I had the wrong graph. He was livid. But I couldn’t tell him he was wrong since he’s now my boss.”
“Ever since that douche got promoted I have to say yes to everything,” Anita Caruso, Associate Manager at the company said. “He calls me screaming to send him a report. I emailed it to him three days ago, but Lord knows I can’t tell him that cause it’ll make him look stupid. Which, of course, he’s not. Not anymore, at least.”
While the ability to always be right has made Jeffries’ life easier, there are still areas where he can be wrong. “It’s weird,” Jeffries said. “It’s like my superpower only works when I’m dealing with people under me. My own supervisor tells me I’m wrong. Even when I’m not wrong, I’m told I am. I don’t know what to think.”
Still, Jeffries hopes that his new ability will translate to all areas of his life.
“I tell myself I’m a good person and I’m happy,” Jeffries said. “Deep inside I know that’s not true, but I think pretty soon I won’t be wrong about that, either.”