Man Wearing Long Underwear Feels Like Superhero

He has yet to stop any crimes, especially crimes against fashion.

DARIEN, CT – Area man Doug Haskell told reporters he “feels like a superhero” after donning long underwear to combat the current cold snap affecting the region.

“It’s like I’ve got my costume on under my clothes,” Haskell said. “At at any moment I can rip open my button down shirt and fly to the rescue.”

Haskell was wearing Hanes brand long underwear to stay warm in the face of the cold temperatures, which ranged from 0 to 15 degrees Fahrenheit, not even factoring in wind chill.

“I like the way it feels,” Haskell commented on the longjohns. “They’re snug and fit. I could get used to this.”

Haskell said he is looking forward to more cold weather so he could continue to wear his “crimefighter costume.”

“I might embroider something on the chest, like a logo,” Haskell said. “Even though I sweat profusely in my office during the day, I think it’s worth it. It gives me this extra confidence and courage.”

Wearing a superhero costume in real life has always been a life-long dream for Haskell. Once, he said, he tried wearing the one-piece pajamas under his clothes. “The feetie pajamas didn’t work out so well. They weren’t as form fitting,” Haskell said. “Plus, there was that little flap that exposed the bum. That wasn’t very heroic.”

“But it was useful,” he added.

And what will become of Haskell’s secret identity as the weather gets warmer?

“I’m thinking Spanx for Men,” Haskell said, referring to the spandex undergarments that tightly hug the body. “I’ve always wanted to try those out, and I think I feel safe enough to do so. Heck, I might even get pantyhose. Superheros can wear what they want.”


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