Monthly Archives: January 2011

Descendant Of Last Egyptian Pharaoh Biding His Time

When the time is right he'll unleash his army of cats to reclaim what is rightfully his.

It’s Still January

Upon hearing the news, the nation let out a long sigh.

Employee Magically Granted Infallibility With Promotion

His books are nothing but empty photo albums, but no one can tell him that.

TULSA, OK – Supervisor Fred Jeffries was somehow magically granted complete infallibility this week when he was promoted to the position of Regional Manager. “It’s great,” Jeffries said, “I can literally do no wrong.” Continue reading

Toyota Recalls Days When It Didn’t Have These Problems

Those were some good days...

Obama To Announce His Oscar Picks At State Of The Union

"My fellow Americans, if Toy Story 3 does not win Best Animated Feature I will bomb Disney World."

WASHINGTON, D.C. – During tonight’s State of the Union address, President Obama is expected to announce who he thinks will win at this year’s Academy Awards. Continue reading

Man Wearing Long Underwear Feels Like Superhero

He has yet to stop any crimes, especially crimes against fashion.

DARIEN, CT – Area man Doug Haskell told reporters he “feels like a superhero” after donning long underwear to combat the current cold snap affecting the region. Continue reading

God Speaks To Humanity: “You’re Welcome It’s Friday”

"And thus spoke the Lord: Applebee's is where it's at!"

A PARTING OF THE HEAVENS – The voice of God boomed out today at 12:43 EST, finally acknowledging all of humanity’s prayers thanking Him that it is Friday. Continue reading