Office Really Angry At Whoever Made Popcorn

Them's fightin' kernels

AUSTIN, TX – Office workers at a local wholesale distributing company were angry at whoever made popcorn in the pantry microwave and decided not to share it with anyone.“The smell is everywhere, you can’t avoid it,” receptionist Betty Haskell said. “God, it smells so good!”

Workers leapt out of their cubicles to see if they could spot whoever made the bag of popcorn, but no culprit was found. “We’re not that big a floor, someone must have it,” Al Hernandez, VP of Sales, said. “They’ve got to know we all smell it. It’s cruel not to at least share some.”

Work stopped completely for the afternoon as colleagues tried to guess who had the popcorn, and why that person was so mean for tormenting the rest of the floor. A posse was eventually formed to hunt down the perpetrator.

“This is justice, Texas-style,” Cathy Melville, a new sales rep who recently moved from New Hampshire, said. People were pulled from meetings, trash bins were overturned and emptied, and computer monitors smashed, but no popcorn was found.

“Maybe it’s on another floor!” Janice Templeton, an accountant, yelled. The posse marched down to the floor below, which is occupied by a web designing firm. After picking up a fresh scent of popcorn smell, the group knocked over water coolers and kicked printers, eventually cornering the man responsible. John Hasgrove, an intern, was found eating popcorn in his company’s break room. Hasgrove was forced to use the upstairs microwave since his company’s was broken.

After a long silence the posse shared some choice words with Hasgrove, who remained seated and unflinching. Hasgrove’s coworkers huddled behind desks as Drew Longogan, VP and Director of Marketing for the distribution company, hocked some tobacco into a nearby spittoon. Hasgrove and Longogan slowly reached for their sides, but one member of the mob, Ed Buntry, VP of Human Resources, announced that it was already past 5 p.m and they would have to start charging overtime, which is generally frowned upon.

The group disbanded and left for the day, but the gun duel has been postponed for high noon tomorrow, or whenever the intern has his lunch break.


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