LONDON, ENGLAND – London’s The Guardian newspaper got a tip from Wikileaks founder Julian Assange that the document sharing site’s next big scoop will be a reveal of Santa’s “Naughty or Nice” list.
The website is expected to publish the complete list of which of the world’s children, noting who have been naughty and which have been nice. The annual list is kept by Santa Clause, the jolly old man who lives in the North Pole, and is used to determine which kids get presents and which receive none. Santa, also known as Kris Kringle, keeps the list secret so kids will behave well just to be safe.
Wikileaks has decided to publish the list in installments, citing that publishing all three billion names at once would be overwhelming. Instead, the site will sort the names by continent.
Santa Clause issued a statement saying that the leak is equivalent to informational terrorism. “This Grinchery cannot stand,” Santa said in his statement. “Why this Scrooge wants to sow chaos in our world is beyond me, and this leak is certainly bad behavior in my book. You don’t need Wikileaks to know which side of my list Mr. Assagne will fall under,” Santa said. “He can expect a lump of coal in his stocking this Christmas.”
Children around the world are eagerly anticipating the release so they will know how many presents, if any, they will get.
It is expected that, regardless of which side of the list children fall on, only rich kids will get presents.