Son Phones In Thanksgiving Present

Phoned-in artwork

TUSCOLA, IL – Billy Kellerman, 6, is suspected of phoning in his Thanksgiving present to his mom this year.

Billy handed his mother a crude drawing of a turkey he did in school, much to his mother’s disappointment.

“This is awful,” Alice Kellerman, Billy’s mom, said. “Did he just trace his hand to make a turkey? God, that’s so lazy.”

Billy’s teacher, Mrs. Freidhofer, told her class to draw something to give their parents as a token of thanks. “I told the kids to draw a picture of Thanksgiving to give as a present. Some kids drew pilgrims, others food. But Billy threw this piece of crap together in less than a minute. I’m very surprised.”

Billy’s mom said she would not hang the picture on the refrigerator or display it at the feast tomorrow. In past years Billy had given his mother more artful drawings, including a watercolor of the first Thanksgiving and, the year before, an etching of a cornucopia.

“You should see the shading he’s capable of. And his composition and lighting were fantastic,” Alice Kellerman said. “But this? I don’t know what happened.”

“I feel like my work has gotten so commercial, you know?” Billy said, dressed in all black and wearing a beret. “My current piece is a rebellion against the mainstream. I’m trying to fly in the face of convention, man. I’m trying to expand my art,” Billy said.

Next year Billy plans to do an experimental installation consisting of a pilgrim hat patterned with the American flag sitting under a spotlight, while sounds of turkeys being slaughtered mixed with a Native American chant play on a continuous loop.

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