STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN – A new report by the journal Svedka Scientifica stated that constant, excessive smiling does not make you happier, as previously thought.After having test subjects smile for hours on end, a team of Swedish researchers concluded that the interior emotions of the subjects were still at the whim of external stimuli and conscious and subconscious thought.
It was previously believed that forcing the facial muscles to form the expression of happiness would essentially fool the brain into releasing chemicals that would naturally occur to create a smile in the first place. “It appears that the crushing, enveloping darkness in our souls will consume us all until we are mere husks of our former selves,” one researcher, Gustav Heidelborg, said.
“Woe are we who believe joy will overtake sorrow,” the lead researcher, Olaf von Förtvivlan, told reporters. “Happiness, like the summer sun, will only be driven away by the months-long winter of despair. As always, a cold, bitter wind will whip our faces and our spirits until we succumb to our miserable fates.”
“I’m dead on the inside,” one subject, Annika Eriksson, told researchers during the fifth hour of smiling.
The team of researchers said they need further tests to confirm their study, however. They said they would try again, this time without forcing their subjects to watch the complete canon of Ingmar Bergman films.