Greetings and salutations, gracious readers from the land of the Great Satan! It is with great humility and respect that I entreat you to visit the glorious Islamic Republic of Iran!*Iran is a land of contrasts, one of stunning beauty and amazing cruelty—things we take great pride in! As the eighteenth largest country on Earth, there is sure to be something you will enjoy here. From our varied, lush landscape to our rich cultural history to our theocratic and dictatorial government. We also have rugs! Won’t you buy a rug? It will look great in your den! Half price!
There are many sites to see in Iran. Visit the ancient city of Persepolis, the beautiful Naghsh-e Jahan Square in lovely Shiraz (a UNESCO World Heritage site – seriously! We’re ranked seventh in the world!) and the impressive Azadi Tower in Tehran.
Visitors to your great country have nothing but wonderful things to cry out when being tortured. You may have read about a compatriot of yours who recently departed from our wonderful nation. She loved it here so much she wanted to stay, but we have rules you know! She needed to become a citizen like everyone else. But visiting is a wonderful way to start!
So please come to Iran, a great place to hike, relax, and marvel at our generous nuclear program—which we use for civilian purposes only, we swear.
*If you’re Jewish you probably shouldn’t come.