WASHINGTON, D.C. – Americans took to the streets yesterday as thousands rallied on the National Mall, demanding to know where the nation’s hoverbikes are.
In a display of fervent anger and indignation, the mass of people descended upon the lawn carrying signs and shouting slogans. “Where are our hoverbikes?” members of the group chanted. Some signs read ”No More Wheels!” and ”We Want Our Bikes, Not Tax Hikes!”
Andy Hillard, leader of the hoverbike movement, told reporters he, along with the rest of the country, was tired of waiting for what was promised us. “It’s the 21st century,” Hillard said. “Isn’t it about time we get bikes that use anti-gravity technology to zip through the air?”
Hillard explained that he and his followers were not a fringe group and their demands were quite realistic. “Look, we don’t expect the flying car—we’re waiting another ten years for that. But hoverbikes can, nay, should be a reality!” Hillard said.
Martha Stapleton came all the way from Detroit to attend the rally. “They’re making self-lacing shoes like from that Back to the Future movie. They can at least make the hoverboard too. And then why not give us the bikes to go along with it?” Stapleton said.
Some members of the rally believe that the technology is already in place but just not available to the general public. “The NSA and the special forces already have hoverbikes,” Harold Stokely, noted conspiracy theorist, said. “NASA developed them years ago but they won’t let us have them. The government should be held accountable.”
Futurists and urban planners agree that hoverbikes would free up traffic congestion, help spur the economy, and would be really, really cool.