Vending Machine Only Giving Out Healthy Snacks

PROVIDENCE, RI – A vending machine in the break room of a local business office has been frustrating everyone who has tried to procure a snack lately due to the machine only dispensing the healthy options the machine offers.

“I just want a Snickers, man,” Bob Trumbly, an accountant, said. “I’ve tried like seven or eight times and I just keep getting Trail Mix.”

The machine, no matter which candy bar code is punched in, will distribute only the food on the bottom two rows, which include bags of Trail Mix, peanuts, power bars, and sugarless gum.

“I check the machine and can’t find anything wrong with it,” Fernando Martinez, a technician from Snacktronics, the company that operates the machine, said. “Even when I ask for the healthy stuff it gives me two things for the price of one. And what’s really weird is that I notice some candy bars are missing, even though no one seems to get them.”

Some workers at the office theorize that the machine is hogging the chocolate for itself, while others believe the machine thinks the employees are too fat and it is forcing them to diet. Whatever the reason, workers are beginning to tire of the machine’s antics.

“Those peanuts aren’t even that healthy,” Trumbly said. “You should see the amount of salt in that thing, so I don’t even know what the machine’s up to. At this point I’d rather just lose a dollar and not get anything than get this junk.”

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