WICHITA, KS – Local office drone Kelly Delgado could not wait for lunch, believing the midday meal to be the highlight of her soulless work shift. “I’m super excited,” Delgado said. “I’ll stop what I’m doing and finally have some time to myself.”
Delgado, like most American workers, eats lunch at her desk and uses her designated hour to peruse the internet, read a book, or, more commonly, finish up some work she’s been meaning to get to. “Lunch is like a break in the day,” Delgado went on. “Once you get to lunch, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s only three…maybe four…sometimes five more hours left in the workday.”
According to recent surveys, lunch is the one of the few remaining aspects of work that pitiful, soulless automatons like Delgado can derive pleasure from, giving them brief respite from the hellish drudgery that is their sad, bleak existence.
“Yep,” Delgado said. “I’m so hungry now but if I just wait a little longer to eat it’ll seem like the second half of the day is that much shorter! Plus I brought roast beef today—my favorite.”