SACRAMENTO, CA – It has long been the habit of the old and cranky to bemoan the state of our nation’s youth, but now even children are lamenting about the sorry state of their younger peers.
It’s no secret that kids seem to be growing up quicker than they used to. They tend to develop faster, dress more maturely, and start school younger and younger. But a recent study has found that kids are also becoming intolerant of those younger than them.
“I can’t believe these punks,” Scotty Miller, age 10, told reporters. “Riding around in their trikes like they own the neighborhood, showing no respect for their elders. It’s disgusting.”
“They mature so quickly, but this disdain for the next generation is something new,” said Shelly Morris, an author of the study and a professor of sociology at the University of California, Berkley. “I mean, these kids are really bugging me trying to act so old. Kids these days. Sheesh!”
Members of the Post-Millenial Generation, or Generation Wii, agree with the claims of the study. “My brother calls me lazy and says I take too many naps. I think he’s jealous that Mommy likes me better,” Aidan Miller, age 5, said. “He always says I’m a doody face,” Aidan added.
“Back in my day things were so much better,” Scotty continued. “We had simpler games like Nintendo DS Lite instead of these newfangled 3D contraptions. Our music actually had words, not like the current Yo Gabba jibber jabber they listen to now,” he said, leaning back in his porch rocking chair and sucking his bubble pipe. “We at least tried to color in the lines. Not these fellers. No sir. What’s the world coming to?”