NEW YORK, NY – A man was viciously beaten and sent to the hospital when he asked a passerby on the street if the temperature was adequate. Upon hearing the question, the passerby and others attacked the man.
“It’s 100 frickin’ degrees out here,” one of the assailants later remarked. “And this guy asks if it’s hot enough? What a schmuck,” he said.
According to onlookers, the mob descended on the man, identified as Phil Driscoll of Queens, and punched and kicked him. However, the fight did not last long, as the sweaty group became overheated by the scuffle.
“I would of kept going,” another attacker said. “It was just too [expletive deleted] hot.”
Only one of the attackers was arrested for assault, a Kevin Waskowski of Long Island. The fishmonger working at a market where the fight took place joined the rumble after hearing the asinine question. Mr. Waskowski went over and stabbed Mr. Driscoll with an ice pick. Mr. Waskowski declined to comment in his perfectly air-conditioned holding cell.
Recuperating in St. Luke’s Hospital, Mr. Driscoll said he has no regrets. “I don’t think I did anything wrong,” he said. “And I don’t wish those guys any ill will.” In fact, the majority of the attackers were praised by the police and taken out for ice cream.
